La Florida 2008

On the community:
Coffee harvest went really well--almost doubling last year's yield. Organic certification has been achieved once again, and finally a foreign market for export which brings a much better price. Bananas are being harvested and sold once a month. Their honey has a market and apparently sells out quickly. There's a small new bakery, putting to use one of the old wood fired ovens. The Health Project/Clinic is still kicking, and thankfully remains somewhat sustainable. And finally, a community pickup truck!!!! The internal community conflict is completely resolved and the division of the land complete. Also, it sounds as if an organization is going to create, or make available, incentives in order to help protect a portion of La Florida from development--mas o menos, an environmental protection effort.

Sooooo, prior to this last Saturday I was under the impression that the community was in great shape--good news all around. However, all is not well in paradise. Saturday I discovered some news that casts a dark cloud over all the good news we'd thus far encountered. Apparently the community, in order to avoid the threat of colapse, had to borrow over $20,000 (USD) in August to pay comm. member salaries for the coffee cleaning (hacking, via machete, the perpetual jungle growth surrounding the coffee plants). The condition of the loan was that this coffee harvest would pay for it. Well, they've paid off the loan, but what's left for the community?? I'm thinking they have a few thousand $$ left over, but not nearly enough to carry them through the coming year.....if even into March or April. It appears they may face the same situation, come summer, that they faced this last year. Ahhhh!!

It hurts my heart to know all of this. It hurts my heart to know that the community may risk colapse all over again in 2009. I can only take solace in the fact that they've been through so much already, overcome so many obstacles, and managed to survive them all and remain relatively intact. They are truly a persistent bunch...and tough as nails. I can't help but to genuinely admire each and every one of them. Somehow they manage to struggle on. I just hope they continue to have the resilience that has carried them to this point. I hope that I will continue to learn from them, and draw from their strength in order to press on with support of their vision and dreams. I mustn't forget the fortitude that they've taught me. I mustn't forget to look to them, to look up to them, when i'm feeling weak, disillusioned.........or haunted.
-ryan

Happy Holidays!

It's mid December and we are back in Guatemala. We left the whitewet snow on the ground in Olympia in exchange for juicyfat pineapples and sunburned cheeks. I must admit that we've been chillin' out in Xela (shay-la) for quite a few days..........gently avoiding the next encolunter with La Floirda life. I don't know what I'm afraid of exactly. Any kind of bad news.......I guess. Cold showers. But tomorrow is the day. We go. We're gone. To the sweatyhotbuginfested greens of coffeeland. For Soltace. For Christmas. The New Year........and my birthday.

I will miss the warm lusty smell of a roasting turkey that I won't eat.......and my mom's chocolate chip cookies, my dad's santa hat, and my sister's smile.

I'm a little apprehensive but I know it's time for the harsh nudge out of ritual and security -- a little shake up. Sometimes I embrace it. Sometimes I fear it. What can I say......I live upsidedown. It's all I seem capable of doing. Happy Holidays Everyone! I miss you much.
-mary

no gracias

Guatemala City. not a charming place. we were sitting in this weird little Chinese restaurant (don't ask). it had numbing florescent lights and cheap fast food tables. the whole atmosphere oozed a sickly flickering yellow. a few tables were occupied by scruffy happy hour men who looked like they belonged in some seedy strip club. their space was crowded with empty beer bottles and overflowing ash trays. they guffawed and ordered the no-shit-taking waitress around.

An older man came in selling a hand full of random items. i saw him making his rounds of the tables. no luck. no luck. the second i saw him i knew i wasn't buying anything. the man came to our table and I looked at him and said "No Gracias." he was poor. unemployed (obviously). i didn't even look at what he was trying to sell. No Gracias. he set something on the table and waited. No Gracias. i continued to eat my french fries. time passed. he picked up his wares and moved on. as i watched him leave the restaurant i suddenly felt like a real ass. what was i afraid of? why had i blown him off so coldly?? shit. that wasn't me.......i wasn't being myself.......I was acting out some part. and like the city, i wasn't charming..........not by any stretch of the imagination. when did i cease to be a human being. live and learn.
-maria

Haunted...

(From the journal 12/20/08)

Taking some solace in a cold beer and this pen. MAN!! my emotions are all over the place. From confident and positive to numb, dumb and negative. Is this "culture shock?" Gotta be.....but how do i manage to forget about it every time. I think i just epiphanied my angst here. I think my white skin, and the privilege attached to it, is causing waves of guilt......or more precisely a true lack of belonging. I can't help feeling like an ass. It's so easy for me to just bop about the world, here, or anywhere really, with no great concern for how i'll manage to pay for it....no great concern with how i'll manage to cross national borders.......the first class bus or the second class if i want to save a few pennies......a taxi rather than public transport that costs 20x less--not really important, it's all affordable. Who am i to just wander around the downtown here in Xela...stopping in to have a couple cups of coffee that amount to 1.5% of my daily earnings but 50% of the daily earnings for the majority of Guatemalans. Yet.....there are the positives to my presence here. Obviously i'm spending my money here which is in fact contributing to the livelihood of the Guatemalan economy. I'm not sure of the stat but i know tourism plays a substantial role. It's just hard to remind myself that my being here isn't entirely absurd, as i often find myself convinced of. I have to take stock of the gestalt and consequence of my being here.......that the domino.....or collective effects of my/our experience here will bring us all closer to a more humane and rational relationship with humankind as a whole......maybe......hopefully... a butterfly effect of sorts that leads to something better. Still trying to sort it all out...the whys of life are always haunting me.

-ryan

grains of sand

now. 6 months have passed since we returned from our second adventure in Guatemala. sometimes i miss it painfully and in other moments i am scared to the core of it. but we are home now and the present struggle is between creation and the comforts and distractions of la vida gringa -- of making money and paying bills and those daily domestic delays.

it’s crazy to think that it’s been 2 years since we first stepped foot into La Florida. i remember that something clicked, right away, from that first encounter. it just felt right. and still feels right. and now here we are.............and i can barely fathom...........a year and half into the task of telling their story. and as hard as it’s been and as utterly overwhelmed as i can sometimes feel i don’t regret for a singlesplitsecond the decision to take this on.

a few weeks ago I decided that making a film is like filling a beach with sand one grain at a time. and one can't just throw the grains out there like chicken feed..................each grain must be weighed and considered and then placed with intention and love.

as i sit here this morning with my habitual cup of coffee in hand and gaze at the wall saturated with La Florida faces i just fill up inside...........some kind of inexplicable bloodwarmth. there may be times when i think the film is crushing me but it only takes the bloodwarmth of those eyes looking back at me to set me right at the center of why i am doing this in the first place.

-mary

Glimpse #1