the almost present................

Ohhhhhh…………how can I let this beast out?? The beast of the near now.

Dare I say it…………that the last month of this thing has become higher than the first. Man……I’m at home here. And my home…...the one I’ve known forever scares the piss out of me. But I will crash land and survive. I would say that I’m ‘ready for anything’ but it sounds a bit too much like a self imposed curse. ………But let’s not dwell on the future.

Travis came mid January. thanks to his lovely wife Rose…….and that she is……a rose. Travis fun love. bright spirit. Open eyed. Open heart. Empty Gallo bottles! Mischievous grin stories. I think he loved Guatemala and she loved him back.

When Alberto and Christine (our NYU student filmmaker) showed up on our hotel doorstep in Xela it was instant chemistry. Yep…..this is gonna work. Some aguardiente cheers to the beginning of……???….…..something.

the film. Christine surprised us……we who are not so easily surprised. From the concrete urban landscapes of New York to the earth green mountain jungles of Guatemala. She hung in there. Young but self ironic. Brave. Smart. It was a good combination. We were filming for a week and it was both odd and interesting. It felt invasive…....but the community is open. EVERYONE wants to talk. Often wanting to say much more than we want to hear. Funny. And the more we filmed…..the more they talked……the more we learned……the more we saw…….and the more complex the community became. Amazing moments of magik. gems unexpected. Captured. It couldn’t have been planned.

And now…..with the camera in my hands I walk. and it’s difficult to describe what it feels like. In a way it’s eerie, powerful. I decide what people will see and how they will see it. and in a way this very much thrills and it scares me. It thrills and scares me when people open themselves for me to record. When something unexpected happens…..a belly laugh, some light sparking deep within black eyes, a moment of repressed emotion. I am giving and taking in the same moment. Taking their stories, their lives, their histories, their images……to some other place that it beyond their reach. And giving them a voice, the opportunity to express themselves in their words with their ideas and thoughts……their experience. It is both peaceful and exciting. A natural extension of my photography. I can capture pieces of things that escape language. But the moving image is different…….it asks more of the subject…….asks them to participate more actively, giving more of themselves. Perhaps it is more honest (perhaps not). Giving the subject more control over how they are portrayed……..or not. Anyway……it’s an interesting question.

So…….we have shot over 30 hours of film thus far. Lots of work. Lots of time. Lots of patience. And lots of luck. It’s winding down…….…but I still feel high.

--hasta pronto, maria